Trabajando Contra Mí Misma – Working Against Myself

I´m slow to figure things out sometimes but in all fairness to myself, I have to say that a major tenant upon which providing counseling services is based – that is listening – has worked against me with my native Spanish speaking clients.  So this is entry number 2 under the new Category “Helping Professionals” which is intended for those of you who find it part of your job to serve the Spanish speaking population in some way or another.

(Disclaimer Alert!!! – My Peruvian husband concurred that what I am about to talk about is common among native Spanish speakers from whatever country and there is indeed a culturally specific way that it is managed.)

So let me set it up…I am in a counseling session with a client and I ask a question…could be any question;  “Can you tell me why you’ve come to talk with a Psychologist?”   ”How did the last week go?”  “Did you have an opportunity to do the homework assignment I gave you?”  Now, I give you that the first question could lead us where I’m going here, but the others?  It is my job to ask a question and then my job to listen to the answer.  It’s what you’d expect right?  If you came to me for therapy?

It’s hard to come up with a percentage…but it happens often enough with my many clients that I feel I can draw some generalizations…I have experienced it from Luis, I have heard Luis experience it with his Mom ( In fact I have experienced it with his mom), Luis with his aunt, with his uncles, with his sister, from Luis to his brother and back again, between Luis and our Peruvian neighbor…with our Latina caterer (and dear dear friend),  between Luis and our incredible editor (both ways, they take turns) and the list and evidence goes on.

So enough with the introduction.  Ready?   Here it is;  given the opportunity, in my experience, native Spanish speakers participate in a conversation in much the same way they drive!  Oh, come on.  I’ve said this to my clients and my in-laws and my Latino friends and they laugh….hardily.  Have you been to Latin America?  Have you taken a Taxi anywhere?  Have you had the courage to actually drive? (I thought not!)  Well then, you know I am talking  ‘fast and loose’.  Do lanes matter?  Do speed limits matter?  Do traffic signs or stop-and-go lights matter?  Yet miraculously, this apparent chaos, with it’s own particular order and balance, usually results in everyone reaching their destination safely.

Same with the communication.  A simple question or even no question can spark a wild ride that appears to not have any clear direction or intentionality.  Now, I’ve mentioned this before –  I am of German heritage, albeit third generation here in the States…and my culture orders our communication.   I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, and while you are talking I give you lots of non-verbal signals and a few ‘uh-huhs’ to assure you that I am following and understand and am interested. 

As an aside let me just add that those mock therapy sessions we were all obliged to partake in while in college, where a cake walk for me.  I had the give and take of  a productive counseling session down pat.  And listening!  Well, costs nothing, because the person on the other end of the arrangement knew the rules too.  They answered clearly and succinctly and then zipped it while I took the time to construct and place my next brilliant question -( intended more to cause profound life changing reflection than to elicit a flood of material).

But with little to no provocation, my native Spanish speakers seem to take my seriously studied, well practiced and finely honed active listening skills and run rough shot all over them.  They can speak volumes, I mean VOLUMES in one breath…. and without intervention (read interruption) there appears to be no limit to the amount of material or subject detours we can enjoy along the way.  (One time I thought I would just let Luis go to see how long it would take before he’d just run out of things to say, or ask me for my thoughts and reflections….he went 60 minutes without either. (I am not exaggerating)   I blinked first because I had to use the loo. )

So here is the deal.  (Disclaimer Alert!!! Luis assured me this was the way!)  Your Spanish speaking clients or patients expect you to interrupt.  In fact they don’t consider your interruption an interruption, but rather your contribution to the conversation.  Not only is no offense is taken but they are more than willing to take your nudge in the direction that you believe will be of most service to them.  It might actually take a few nudges on your part, but still, no offense will be taken.

Things you can say to intervene?  Well… I’ve said;  “Bueno, regressando a mi pregunta….” ,  “Me parece muy interesante todo, pero en este momento quiero saber….”,  “Regresemos a esto despúes pero cuéntame…..”  “Y esto tiene que ver con mi pregunta como?¨  (I use this one, when I may have in fact received the answer  to my question but just don´t get it.) 

Anyway, any of these have worked for me and there are probably a million more that would do the trick as well.   It is more a matter of understanding that though I may feel that I am in a dilemma when it appears that my clients have hijacked the session, I am not, and they have not.  It’s just that  my cultural understanding of  the anatomy of a ’polite and efficacious’ pattern of communication does make cultural sense in the Spanish speaking world.  I am expected, even welcomed within this particular context to jump in, to really get my feet wet, to dig in and wrestle, to join the party and not be so, well, German.  Though, come one now, we are not the only ones!!!  Be honest!             Hasta el proximo,    – Joan

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